Some Personal Rubbish

I’ve recently broken away from a negative friendship at school. It’s complicated, but basically we fell out and hurt each other’s feelings all the time, as our personalities really didn’t go well together. I’m glad I had the strength to leave a friendship which was hurting both of us, but she was my only friend in school.

I dread going to school now because I hate being alone and yet the thought of having to make new friends scares me. I have really bad social anxiety problems. I’m okay with talking to one or two people, but even the thought of approaching a group of strangers terrifies me to the point where I feel physically sick. I try to build up the courage to ask a group if I can sit with them at lunch or something, but every time I just freeze up and I can’t do it. I’m not exactly sure why I’m like this; I just feel that everyone dislikes me and even if they let me sit with them I’ll actually be annoying them and they won’t want me to be there. Because I’m really shy my quiet demeanour often comes across as unfriendly and uninterested, which tends to push any potential friends away.

I know it probably sounds really silly and lame, and I’m trying to overcome it, but it’s slow progress. Do any of you guys have any ‘tips’ or things I could do which could help me become more approachable and less afraid? I’d really appreciate it. 🙂

~ Hanifah

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12 thoughts on “Some Personal Rubbish

  1. I also have difficulty talking to new people – I’m afraid to approach boys, people older than me, pretty girls…lol it basically rules out most of the people I meet! I don’t really know what to suggest to you, Hanifah…I would say, just try and find people similar to you. I know that sounds really hard, but if you have a go at checking out who frequents the library, who talks to their friends about baking and books, who walks around with a notebook in hand, who wears clothes like yours or listens to music like yours, you might get an idea of who you actually want to be friends with, and if you can get talking to them about the thing(s) you have in common I’m sure you’ll hit it off! Just remember, school is not forever and being a teenager is always the most difficult time for self-confidence issues and making friends. It won’t last forever!

    • Thank you so much for this, it’s really encouraging and lifted my spirits ^^
      I will try and do that. The thing is, when I find people who are similar to me I want to be their friend which makes me even more afraid of them x)

      • Just try. If you don’t try you may never know that you could have become best friends (;)) and even if you try and they don’t want to be friends with you. no one is rude enough to just ignore you! x

  2. Hi,
    Are there any after school activity groups or other groups in your town you can join in with. What are you interested in- then look for a group. I was shy myself at your age with strangers but was lucky enough to have friends at school. Chat to the person sat next to you, standing in the queue ,on the bus etc. In time I found out that other people are desperate for someone to talk to them and break the ice, and are far more concerned about what they will say in response to you rather than on what you said in the first place. The cure for me was in my 20s when I got a job doing market research interviewing and I had to talk to people or not get paid, and people were really keen to talk to me about things, like toothpaste and peas! I kid you not. Practice each day by saying Good Morning to the first three people you meet!

  3. Awwh Hanifah! 😦 I wish i came to your school. then we could sit together. 😉 I really wish that I could give you some good advice, nancathy2 has given you some amazing advice. but i can’t really. because i struggle with the same things as you. 😦 xxxxx

    • I so feel for you both. My shyness was compounded by blushing bright beetroot red whenever I spoke. And feeling sick. But I got over it and so will you both- just try with safe encounters- shop assistants are great for this, library staff too- they love passing on knowledge- I found that everyone likes to be asked something they can give advice about- I mean look at me now, chatting away……
      So how about next time you are in a queue- just say Is this the Right queue for… whatever- school dinners wouldn’t work, but you get my drift.
      Sat next to someone at dinner- comment on the food-
      Leave your watch at home and spend the day asking what the time is
      Practice my loves.
      Oh and best of all, when you go to Uni as I so know you both will, everyone will be a stranger to each other! And then the answer is go to everything, leave your door open and talk to everybody.

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